more confusion

the guy who replaced me at gateway community church had to resign about a month ago and i chose to come back and put together the summer camp we had done annually for like nine years. doing this i have had to show up and hang out with students and parents and do a little recruiting. it has been a little flash back to my days in the grind as a youth pastor. i truly have enjoyed the treat of being with the kids. i am looking forward to sleeping on the floor of horizon park chapel in san diego and hanging with a bunch of students for the week. i am excited about teaching them aspects of the kingdom of god that i have been learning. i am excited to just be in youth ministry for a week.

also, last week i got to hang out with a group of leaders who are helping us shape next years urban youth workers institute. we shared stories and issues that are facing the youth of the city. many of them still are actively serving in the neighborhoods with kids and as we talked i did feel a huge void in my life. i think that is a little bit of the depression. i want to be about making change and a difference. i feel a void and i think it has to do with the pastoral and leadership gifts. i am very confused as how to respond to these issues. i look at my past and there are many things that i wish i could do different, but nothing that i can change.

my prayer is really for god to confirm in my heart as who i am in regards to a number of areas of my life. i feel like i am just floating and not really going anywhere. i read things and get excited but have nothing to do with it. i have aspirations of what a youth group would look like to day with j-lou at the age of 32 leading it and having a deeper understading of the kingdom of god and a better understanding of balance. i say all of this to get it out of my head. peace.